


Revel in heartache

by bluesapphic



Series: Spierfeld Week 20gayteen [5]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Fix-It, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-07 22:45:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14681019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluesapphic/pseuds/bluesapphic
Summary: Garrett stands up for Simon and Simon's friends realize they were wrong for abandoning him after he gets outed.Spierfeld Week Day 5 - Ensemble Day





	1. What if I am more than you can see -- Garrett

**Author's Note:**

> I hated that part in the movie where Simon's friends abandoned him. So here's me trying to fix it.

Garrett was furious. He had walked into school the first day back from winter break expecting Simon’s friends to be gathered around him, scaring off anyone who so much as looked at Simon funny. Instead he saw them all get out of Nick’s car, not even glancing as Simon parked his car and walked to the school, lonely and terrified.

Garrett grabbed his books for his first class quickly before heading to Nick’s locker, where Abby and Leah were waiting for Nick to get his stuff. “What’s up dude? Why is Spier hanging out by himself? Shouldn’t you three be looking out for him? You know, after everything that’s happened?”

“You don’t know the half of it, Laughlin,” Nick replied, shaking his head before slamming his locker door.

“What happened?”

“Simon lied to us. To all of us,” Leah chimed in.

“About being gay?” Garrett asked hesitantly. “I don’t _really_ think that counts as a lie.”

“No. That’s not what we’re talking about. He tried to pawn me on Martin Addison like I was a piece of meat!” Abby started.

“And lied to me about Abby having a boyfriend,” Nick continued.

“And then he told Nick that I had a crush on him and told me that I should date Nick so that he wouldn’t date Abby,” Leah finished.

“What?” Garrett was totally lost. “None of that makes any sense.”

Nick took a deep breath and tried again. “Apparently Martin Addison had a crush on Abby. Has a crush, maybe, still. Anyway, he found out that Simon was gay somehow. And then he told Simon that unless Simon helped him win over Abby, he would out Simon to the school. So Simon helped him by lying to us. Since like Halloween.”

“So…you’re mad at him for being blackmailed?” Garrett raised his eyebrows.

“No, we’re mad at him for lying to us!” Nick was exasperated. “We’re his best friends, he shouldn’t have lied.”

“Really? Because from where I’m standing it seems like he didn’t have much of a choice. Lie to his friends or get outed to the whole school when he’s not ready? I’d probably choose lie to my friends too.”

“Ugh. Garrett, you can’t possibly understand what we’re going through,” Abby replied, getting ready to walk away.

“I’m sorry, I can’t understand what _you’re_ going through? What about what Spier’s going through? He was blackmailed for what I assume must have been months by some asshole, got outed to the whole school in conservative Georgia, and now his friends won’t even look at him, much less stand up for him against the bullies he’s sure to have. And I’m supposed to have sympathy for you?” Garrett scoffed. “Some best friends you are.”

Garrett ignored the shocked expressions on their faces and stalked off to English. He found the desk next to Simon, slammed his books down and huffed, “Hey, Spier.”

Simon looked slightly terrified, warily responding, “Hey, Laughlin.”

Garrett softened, realizing that his anger may have been taken the wrong way. “Heard about what happened this weekend. You have my personal protection for as long as you need it.”

Simon stared at Garrett like he’d grown an extra head.

“You know, until Nick and Abby and Leah get it together and realize they’re being dumb. And, like, I guess after that if you still need it.”

Simon looked down at his desk sadly. “Thanks. That means a lot.” There was an awkward pause and then, “So where’s Bram?”

“He’s still in Savannah with his dad and step mom for today. He’ll be back tomorrow.”

Simon didn’t seem to know what to say to that, and then he looked so dejected when Nick, Leah, and Abby walked in without so much as a glance in his direction that Garrett decided not to push the conversation any further.

* * *

Garrett spent the rest of the day being Simon’s personal bodyguard, taking him from class to class, and he was pleased to know he wasn’t the only one. Taylor Metternich and a few others from Simon’s theater group also had the same idea. Simon was not to be left alone at all.

Lunch was particularly awful, with Spencer and Aaron and their skit, but luckily Ms. Albright was there to shut that down.

It wasn’t until Garrett had safely dropped Simon off with the theater kids and walked to the locker rooms to change for soccer practice that he saw Nick again.

Garrett wasn’t sure whether to acknowledge him or not. He was leaning towards saying hi, but then he thought about Bram. Bram, who had just come out to him last week. Who saw what was happening to Ethan, was going to see what was happening to Simon now, and who was so afraid to come out, even to his best friend. And Garrett knew he _couldn’t_ talk to Nick. Nick needed to know that what Simon was going through right now was so much more important than Simon’s mistake. Garrett needed to stand up for Simon to show Bram that Garrett would be there for him too.

So Garrett ignored Nick.

Well, he ignored Nick until they got to the soccer field. Because suddenly Nick wasn’t his biggest problem.

Some of the sophomores on the junior varsity team were laughing.

“Did you hear about that gay kid Spier?”

“Yeah, I heard he tried to hit on one of the kids on the football team. Seems like he deserved that skit at lunch.”

“He smiled at me one time, I thought he was just being friendly, but like, what if he was into me? Gross.”

“Hey! You got a problem with Spier?” Garrett asked angrily.

They looked frightened. The underclassmen knew better than to piss of the seniors.

“Listen up, y’all. I will not tolerate any of this shit-talking about our gay classmates.”

“What, are you gay too or something?” One of the kids asked.

“No. But I don’t care if you think I am. You don’t get to talk badly about people like this. Not for something that they can’t change, not for something that doesn’t affect you at all even a little bit. Not when you have no idea who around you could also be gay. It makes it so much harder for people to be themselves and that’s not fair. So you have a problem with Spier? Or any other gay kid at this school? You go through me.”

“Me too. You’ll have to go through me too.”

Garrett turned to see Nick standing next to him and felt some relief. He wasn’t alone in this. Nick had grown a brain sometime between this morning and now and was standing up for Simon.

“I won’t let you talk about my best friend like he’s not human, like he doesn’t deserve to be treated with respect. So from now on, you say anything bad about gay people, consider yourself kicked off the team,” Nick said, firmly.

“You can’t do that!” someone exclaimed.

“No. He technically can’t, but I can,” Coach Miller said. No one had noticed him, standing off to the side. “And I will. I don’t allow any sort of bullying on this team, and considering what happened at lunch today, the staff has agreed that any homophobic language is grounds for dismissal from any extracurricular activity. Is that understood?”

There was a pause as the students started at their coach incredulously.

“I said, is that understood?” Coach Miller asked again, sounding a little angry.

“Understood,” They responded in unison.

“Great. Everyone 3 laps around the field.”

And that was that.


	2. These things still weigh me down -- Leah & Nick & Abby & Simon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leah, Nick, and Abby make amends with Simon.

Leah was leaned up against Nick’s car, waiting for Nick and Abby. They should have been done with soccer practice and rehearsal by now, but she assumed they had met up for some alone time. And now she was feeling lonely. Which sucked because the reason she felt so lonely was partially her own fault.

She spotted Nick and Abby holding hands, looking cute, walking toward her. “Finally,” she huffed when they got close enough to hear. And, despite the small part of her that wanted to stay angry forever, she said, “We need to do something about Simon. That thing at lunch, it was too much. I don’t think we thought this whole being mad at him thing all the way through.”

Nick nodded solemnly. “You’re right. You should have heard what the kids on the soccer team were saying about him.” He hesitated. “I’m ashamed to admit this, but I don’t think I would have stood up to them if Garrett hadn’t done it first.”

“I feel bad too,” Abby said softly. “Rehearsal sucked. These guys came into the auditorium out of nowhere with signs and they were laughing at Simon, it was horrible. Taylor and some of the other went after them and apparently Taylor almost punched someone. I was going to sit with Simon, but he just fled.”

Leah bit her lip. What right did she have to feel lonely when she was the one who abandoned Simon today of all days? “God, this is why he didn’t tell us. This is why he lied to us. And we just left him.”

They all stood there, staring at the ground sadly. Then Nick took a breath. “Okay, so we have to go to his house. Apologize. I mean, he shouldn’t have lied, but I get what Garrett was saying now. If I had to choose between lying to my friends and dealing with all of this today, I’d choose lying every day of the week.”

The car ride to Simon’s place was silent. This morning had been weird enough without Simon’s constant rambling, but at least they could keep the conversation going.

This was much worse. Because there was no one to drown out Leah’s thoughts and all she could think about was how monumentally she had screwed up. Simon couldn’t have known about her crush on him. And even if he had, it’s not like he could have ever reciprocated. That _really_ wasn’t his fault.

She knew this, knew all of those things, and still chose not to talk to him. Chose not to stand up for him at lunch. Would he even forgive them? If she were Simon, she probably wouldn’t.

Nick pulled into Simon’s driveway and the three of them sat there for what felt like a century, unsure of how to go about this.

Abby tugged at her dress and then said quietly, “I think we should go in separately. We all have different things we need to talk to him about.”

“Great, I’ll go first,” Leah volunteered, jumping out of the car before anyone could disagree. She rang the doorbell and then stood waiting, hoping Simon would want to see her.

She was in luck: Nora answered the door and she didn’t seem too angry. Maybe Simon hadn’t told her. “Hey, Leah. Simon’s in his room, but, um, I don’t think he wants to talk to anyone. School was rough today.” Nora’s eyebrows raised there. So Simon had told her.

Leah pushed away the waves of guilt that hit her, “I know. That’s kind of why I need to talk to him.”

Nora pursed her lips, but let her through. “You know where to go,” she said tersely before walking to the kitchen.

Leah walked to Simon’s room, like she’d done a thousand times before, but it was so different this time. She knocked on his door.

No answer.

She knocked again. This time she heard a muffled, “it’s open.”

Leah peered into the room to see Simon lying facedown in his bed, one arm around Bieber. “Si?”

It took a minute, but Simon turned to look at her and she could see his face was red and blotchy. He didn’t say anything, so Leah sat down gently at the edge of the bed.

“Simon, I’m so sorry.”

Simon sighed, getting up fully to sit cross-legged next to her, wiping tears away. Bieber whined and nudged Simon’s arm with his nose. Simon pulled Bieber into his lap, but still didn’t respond.

“Simon, I know you’re upset. You should be. I should’ve been there for you today and I wasn’t. I- I feel like I failed as a friend.”

Leah felt like her heart was breaking as she looked at Simon’s dejected face. He gave a tearful fake laugh as he said, “Yeah, well you were right though. I set you up for heartbreak.”

“You couldn’t have known I liked you.”

“No, but I knew Nick liked Abby. I knew that given a real chance with Abby, he’d dump you in a heartbeat.”

“Yeah, okay you shouldn’t have told Nick that I liked him. But he was the one who chose to ask me out, you didn’t force him to do that. And maybe I had a right to be mad about it. But I could have been mad at you and still stood up for you at school. That thing at lunch-”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Leah sighed, “Okay. Well, we should never have left you alone at school. Who knows what would have happened if Garrett and Taylor and everyone hadn’t walked you to your classes? If Ms. Albright hadn’t been there at lunch?”

“I don’t know, Leah. I feel like maybe I deserved worse. After what I put you guys through, after I-”

“Simon, don’t say that, you didn’t deserve any of this.” Leah could feel tears pricking at her eyes.

“Leah,” and then Simon was sobbing into Leah’s shoulder and all she could do was wrap her arms around him and cry with him.

They sat there like that for a long time, until Leah could feel Simon’s breath ease.

She pulled away from him and asked, “So, does this mean you forgive me?”

“Yeah, of course.”

* * *

“So, when Leah comes back, do you want to go first or should I?” Nick asked Abby, turning in his seat to look at her.

Abby was staring at the ground. Nick wished he knew what she was thinking, but she had closed herself off.

“You can go first,” Abby’s voice was so soft, so different than her normal bubbly demeanor. All Nick wanted to do was wrap his arms around her and hold her forever.

He wasn’t even mad at Simon anymore, not when the beautiful girl next to him was his girlfriend, not when, in the end, Nick had barely been affected. Yeah, Simon lied and Nick hadn’t had the confidence to ask Abby out until winter break, but what was that in the grand scheme of things? How could Nick be mad at Simon for lying when his alternative was getting harassed in the hallways and treated like crap in his classes?

Nick was so lost in his thoughts that he startled when he heard rapping on his window. Leah was standing there, looking happier than she had before, “Hey, I’m done, one of you can go in. The door’s open.”

Nick gave Abby’s hand a squeeze before stepping out of the car. Leah gave him an encouraging smile. Nick hoped that Simon would forgive him as easily as he seemed to have forgiven Leah.

Nick walked into the house and found Simon sitting on the steps, looking apologetic.

“Hey. I’m sorry for lying to you. I shouldn’t have, I know, but-”

“Simon it’s all good. I get it now. I didn’t this morning, but after-” Nick closed his eyes, nostrils flaring in anger as he thought about the lunch skit and the soccer kids and all of the whispered conversations he’d overheard. “After everything that happened today, I understand.”

“Thanks.”

Nick moved to sit next to Simon. “And I’m sorry. For not being there for you today. Any dumbass could see you needed me, needed us. The wound of finding out you had been lying to me was so fresh, I just, wasn’t thinking clearly. It’s not an excuse, but I wanted you to know.”

“You don’t have to justify it. I know why you were mad and you had a right to be.”

“I just wish you could have come to me about all of this. I get that you couldn’t. But I wish you could have. We’ve known each other forever, since before we could talk, and I-I would never have judged you for being gay.”

“I wish I’d told you, too. But I didn’t know for sure how you’d react and that scared me. Like you said, we’ve known each other forever. Telling you could have changed everything.”

“You’re right, it could have. But now you know it wouldn’t have. So I guess try to remember that from now on, okay? I’m not going anywhere, this friendship thing, we’re in it for the long haul.”

* * *

Abby couldn’t look Leah in the eye. Not with how she’d reacted to Simon this morning. She, of all people, should know how difficult Simon’s situation was. She had gay aunts, a gay cousin, she’d seen with her own eyes how difficult it was to be gay when there was so much homophobia. She couldn’t look at Leah, not when-

But she wasn’t going to think about that right now.

Abby focused on her anger. She was still mad at Simon. Because why hadn’t Simon told her about Martin? And she was mad at all of those hateful people at school because this wasn’t fair to Simon or Ethan or any of the closeted gay kids at school.

But mostly she was just mad at herself.

“Hey Abby? You there?” Leah asked, looking concerned.

“Yeah, yeah, what were you saying?”

And then she noticed Nick was standing there too. “You can go talk to Simon now. He was still sitting on the steps when I left.”

“Oh, right. Sorry.” Abby got up quickly and made her way into Simon’s house. She hadn’t spent a lot of time here, so it still felt a little weird to just walk in without knocking or ringing the doorbell, but Simon was expecting her. And when she saw Simon, Abby just had to hug him. “Simon.”

“Abby, I-”

She pulled away. “I know, you’re sorry and I forgive you. You get a pass for being blackmailed. And you know I’m sorry too, about today. And I’m pretty sure you forgive me, too.”

Simon flashed her a sad smile. “Yeah.”

She let Simon rest his head on her shoulder.

“Si, I have to know, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Hmm?”

“About Martin blackmailing you. You told me you were gay in the car that day. You could have said something about him too.”

“I should have.”

“I agree.”

“Abby, it wasn’t just about me. I had to think about the guy on the other side of those emails. He’s still out there, you know? He’s so much more reserved than I am and Martin had screenshots of our emails. Some of his personal information is in those emails, and then they were on the internet for the whole world to see.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. He deleted his email right after. It didn’t even matter that the post got taken down so fast. I was working so hard not to lose him. But, in the end, that’s exactly what happened.”

“That really sucks, Si. But you still could have told me. It would have been more difficult, if you didn’t want to give me the specifics, but you could have.”

“I didn’t think about it.”

Abby wrapped her arms around him again. “Everyone makes mistakes. I really do mean it, you’re forgiven.”

“Thanks, Abby.”

“But you used up your one mistake, okay? You don’t get to make anymore.” She grinned at him so he knew she was kidding.

Simon grinned back. “Got it.”

* * *

Simon looked over at his friends. Leah was curled up in the loveseat with Bieber. Abby was sitting leaned against Nick, who was playing with her hair. He felt so grateful to have his friends back. To have friends who would forgive him for his mistakes, and who would recognize their own mistakes and own up to them.

“Simon, pray tell about this Blue fellow,” Abby said with a sly grin on her face.

“Yeah, spill! I want details,” Leah joined in while Nick waggled his eyebrows.

Simon hid his head in his hands. His friends were so freaking embarrassing.

“You have to tell us something. You know, after all of this,” Abby looked at Simon pointedly.

Simon huffed jokingly, “Okay, I _guess_ I can tell you about him. Since you guys are, like, my friends or whatever. What did you want to know?”

“How did you start emailing?” Leah asked.

“It was that post on Tumblr, the one you showed me. His email was attached to it, so I just emailed him.”

“Wow. So, what do you know about him? Is he a musical theater guy like you?” Abby asked.

Simon faltered, thinking about Cal and how he was definitely not Blue. “I don’t know, actually. He might be. I know he’s really smart. He’s funny and likes Oreos, but specifically the Halloween ones. And he’s Jewish. And he spent New Year’s visiting his dad in-” and he stopped. Because Blue had been visiting his dad in Savannah. And Bram was in Savannah. Garrett had just told him that today.

“Simon, you okay?” Nick asked.

It had to be a coincidence. Simon had seen him at the Halloween party with that girl.

“Earth to Simon,” Abby was waving a hand in front of his face. “You there?”

“Yeah, sorry, I just had a thought.”

“That’s new,” Leah smirked.

“Very funny, Leah. I mean, a thought about who Blue could be.”

“Really? Who? Who?” Abby was practically jumping up and down in her seat.

Simon hesitated, “I don’t think I can tell you. Not until I’m sure. Not until I know if he’d be okay with it.”

“Would you be happy? If it turned out to be whoever it is in your head?”

Simon couldn’t help the huge smile that graced his face as he said, “So freaking deliriously happy.”


	3. I got a friend and he loves me -- Bram

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bram is back and he and Simon have some things to work out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp this was longer than I originally intended it to be, but it was super fun to write and I hope you enjoy it!!

Bram had just arrived home when Garrett bombarded him with texts, asking if he could come over. Bram wanted nothing more than to sleep, despite it only being 5 PM. Driving 4 hours from Savannah to Shady Creek was exhausting. But Garrett had insisted it was important, so how could he say no?

He was surprised to see his mom’s car in the garage, she usually worked late.

“Mom?” he called as he entered the house.

“Abraham!” his mom smiled and hurried over from the kitchen to wrap him in a tight hug, her head only reaching his chest. “I missed you.”

“Moooom,” Bram said, pretending to be annoyed. “You’re going to suffocate me.”

“Really?” his mom pulled away slightly, looking up at him and sighing. “I guess you’re too old for these hugs, huh?”

“Never.” Bram shifted so he could wrap his arms around his mom. “I missed you too.”

Somehow everything felt better with his mom there, even if it didn’t change anything. Even though Simon had been outed to the whole school. Even though Martin had posted their emails on Tumblr.

“Something smells delicious. What are you making?” Bram asked.

“Oh just some chili. Nothing too difficult. I just wanted you to eat something healthy when you got back because lord knows how much fast food you’ve been eating.”

Bram rolled his eyes, “Ok mom. Garrett’s coming over, by the way.”

“Of course he is. I made enough for both of you. Go up and unpack before he gets here and make sure you finish your homework.”

“I always do.”

“I know, but let me be a mom every once in a while, would you?”

Bram gave his mom another quick squeeze before heading up to his room.

He was sitting on the floor, suitcase in front of him when Garrett barged into his room, not even bothering to knock.

“Dude you are so lucky your mom cooks. Honestly, I would kill for a homemade meal sometimes.”

Bram grinned. “And by “kill” you mean manifest in the Greenfeld household?”

“I do not come to your house just for the food.”

“Yeah, but the food doesn’t hurt.”

“No, it does not.” Garrett situated himself on the floor, leaning against the bedframe. “So, uh, how are you?”

“I’m okay.”

“Did you hear about Spier?”

Bram hesitated. “Yeah, I did.”

“School was rough for him today.”

“Was it? I guess that doesn’t surprise me much.”

“Yeah. There was this awful skit that Spencer and Aaron from the football team created about him and Ethan. And, you know, people were generally being terrible.”

“But I’m sure Leah didn’t let anyone get near him.”

“Uhh, actually Nick and Abby and Leah weren’t talking to him. Something about him lying to them because Martin was blackmailing him with the emails.”

“Oh.” Bram wanted to be angry with them for abandoning Simon, but he couldn’t be. Because wasn’t that essentially what he’d done when he deactivated his email account? Bram could feel the guilt in the pit of his stomach.

“I did my best, though. And a few of the theater people. We tried to be his bodyguards for the day.” Garrett was reassuring him and Bram appreciated it.

“So are they not friends anymore?”

“I don’t know. It seemed like Nick had gotten over his anger at practice, and I think maybe he was going to apologize, but I didn’t ask. I guess we’ll find out tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

They were silent for a minute before Garrett said, “I know you’re probably really scared about all of this. I wish there was something more I could do, other than stand up for Spier. I really did try my best today.”

“I know, Garrett.” Bram gave him a halfhearted smile. “I’m not scared. No one knows about me except for you, so I don’t think anyone will give me any problems.”

“Okay,” Garrett looked unconvinced. “Well you’re upset about something.”

“Yeah.” Bram stared out of his window, not sure whether he should tell Garrett or not. But he needed to talk to someone about it. “So, you know how Martin posted those emails on Tumblr? The ones between Simon and some other gay kid.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m the other kid.”

And Garrett’s eyes went comically wide. “No way.”

“Yes,” Bram closed his eyes and swallowed, trying to push away the rising nausea. “We’ve been emailing since the beginning of the school year. After I posted something on Tumblr about no one knowing that I’m gay, he emailed me.”

“Wow.”

“Garrett, I really like him. I mean, I had a crush on him before, back when I first moved here. But, I think I may have also fallen for him all over again, through email.”

“Bram, that’s amazing.”

“It’s really not. Because when Martin posted those emails, I was so overwhelmed. I mean, it was my personal life, stuff I don’t share with anyone, on display for the whole world to see. And I couldn’t handle it, so I deactivated my email, before Simon could figure out who I was. Before I could even give us a chance. How dumb is that?”

Garrett scooted closer to him. “Not dumb at all. You had every right to be upset about it. And maybe it was a tad impulsive to deactivate your email like that, but you know Simon, you can just tell him.”

Bram wasn’t so sure. “That would require me to talk to him. Like really talk to him. Not to mention, what if I tell him and he hates me? I mean, I abandoned him when he needed me most.”

“He’ll understand. He’ll forgive you. As for the talking part, well, that’s just something you’re going to have to work on if you want to be with him.”

Bram blinked, “Be with him?” He hadn’t thought that far.

“Yeah. That’s what you want, right? To be his boyfriend?”

Thinking about it now, though, it felt like bliss. “Yeah, more than anything.”

* * *

When Bram walked into English the next morning, he saw Simon sitting on the couch, squished between Leah and Nick, who had one arm around Abby. So they’d obviously made up.

And then Simon looked his way and gave him a soft smile. And Bram was so caught up in that smile, he practically ran into a desk.

“Dude, you okay?” Garrett asked.

“Yeah,” Bram blushed and glanced at Simon.

“Ohh, got it.” Garrett smirked.

“Shut up,” Bram muttered, grabbing a seat.

The rest of class was uneventful, mostly because he couldn’t turn around to look at Simon without being obvious. Mr. Wise gave them a pop quiz and then they spent the rest of class discussing the reading.

But when class ended, Simon walked right up to them, “Hey Garrett! I just wanted to thank you for yesterday. It, um, it meant a lot that you stood up for me.”

“Oh, um, yeah. No big deal. Just trying to be a decent human.”

“Well thanks anyway.” And then Simon was looking at him again and smiling brilliantly and Bram could feel his stomach doing summersaults. “Hey Bram. I’ll see you guys at lunch.”

Bram tried to ignore Garrett’s shit-eating grin as they left the classroom. “He’ll see you at lunch.”

“Jesus, Garrett.”

* * *

Lunch rolled around faster than Bram had expected, although, to be fair, he had spent his last three classes thinking up ways to tell Simon. He still hadn’t figured it out.

And given how things had gone so far, he was mostly just trying to make it through the rest of the day without vomiting.

Except, of course, when he sat down at the table, Simon was looking at him again. It was reminiscent of the week before his Halloween party, where Bram felt like Simon was paying more attention to him than usual.

“Hey Bram. We missed you at practice yesterday. How was Savannah?” Nick asked.

“Oh, um. Good.”

“That’s it? Just good? God I’m so jealous you got to miss school just for fun.”

And Bram decided to just go for it, say something Simon might pick up on. “Oh, well, it wasn’t just for fun. My dad and stepmom are having a kid. They made me stay an extra day because wanted me to be there for the ultrasound. It was pretty weird.” Bram glanced at Simon, trying to see if there was a change in his expression. There wasn’t. Simon was truly clueless.

“Your dad is having another kid?” Abby asked. “I cannot imagine having a sibling that’s 17 years younger than me.”

“This kid is actually going to be 18 years younger than Bram. Bram’s turning 18 this weekend.” Garrett said, smiling.

“Ooh, are you doing anything fun? Another party maybe?” Abby asked, excited.

“Umm, I don’t think I can throw a party. My mom is actually home this weekend. I think we’re having family over on Saturday. And I’ll probably go to the musical on Friday. But that’s about it.”

“Your birthday is on the 18th, isn’t it?” Simon asked suddenly.

Bram nodded, holding his breath. Had Simon figured out the email address?

“Cool. Golden birthday. You should do, like, 18 fun things or something.”

And Bram’s heart sunk, again. Was Simon oblivious or did he just not want to believe Bram could be Blue?

“I think we’re supposed to get him 18 presents.” Leah said.

“Oh. Yeah, I guess that seems more reasonable.”

“So are you going to bring me 18 presents?” Bram asked.

Garrett snorted.

Simon smiled at him though, “Maybe I will.”

* * *

At the end of the day, he found a gift bag tied to his locker and he stopped outright in the middle of the hallway, much to the chagrin of the other students. He squinted at it, checking that it was actually _his_ locker. He thought maybe Simon- but no, how would Simon have even bought the present between lunch and now?

Bram warily picked the bag up and peeked inside. A packet of Halloween Oreos and a note. His heart pounded, maybe Simon wasn’t so oblivious. There were far too many people milling around to look at the note, but he didn’t want to wait until soccer practice was over to look at it. He quickly grabbed his textbooks, hoping to dash to his car and read the note, but then-

“Whatcha got there?” Garrett asked, looking amused. “A present?”

Bram sighed. There was no way he could appease Garrett, go to his car, and make it to practice in time. “I guess.”

“Who’s it from?”

“I don’t know.”

“What’s in it?”

“Halloween Oreos. And a note.”

“So read the note, find out who it’s from.”

“I can’t. Not here. Not if it’s from-” and Bram gave Garrett a look. “Anyway, we should get to practice.” He stuffed the bag in his backpack, ignoring Garrett’s protest.

Practice dragged on. Usually, Bram loved this, loved the feel of the wind against his skin, the excitement when he evaded an opponent with particularly good footwork, the fun of heading a ball into the goal. But today he was distracted. All he could think about was the note and the possibility that it could be from Simon. Who else would know about the Oreos?

When practice was finally over, he sprinted to his car, not bothering to change back. He grabbed the bag out of his backpack and frantically tossed aside the tissue paper and taking the note out.

He held it in his hands and stared at it like it held the secrets to the universe. And to a certain extent, maybe it did hold the secrets to his universe. He took a deep breath and folded the note open.

_Hey Bram,_

_I hope this finds you well. And I really hope I’m right about this, about you. That you’re Blue. And if I’m wrong, I guess you can just consider this one of your eighteen birthday presents._

_But I don’t think I’m wrong, so I hope you can forgive me for this whole fiasco with Martin because I miss you._

_Love,_

_Simon_

Bram startled to Garrett’s insistent knocking on the passenger window. He unlocked the door so Garrett could climb into the car. “Dude! You can’t run like that, you’re my ride, I was afraid you’d forget and just leave me here.”

“Sorry, I just wanted to read the note.”

“So? What does it say?”

“Simon knows I’m Blue.”

“Really? How?”

“No idea.” Bram handed over the note.

“Dude, Spier’s handwriting sucks,” Garrett frowned at the note. And then he was smiling. “This is cute. See, I told you he wouldn’t be mad.”

“Yeah.”

* * *

Bram didn’t text Simon. He didn’t call him or Facebook message him or DM him or any of the things that he could have done to thank Simon. He wanted to, but he didn’t know what to say. He was so nauseated. And a small part of him wanted to have this conversation in person.

So he tried to focus on his homework and the library book he’d borrowed and anything that wasn’t Simon until school the next day.

He arrived on Wednesday to find a pack of mini Reese’s stuck to his locker. He brought it with him to English and saw Simon who was smiling at him hesitantly. Bram pushed away the butterflies and sat right behind him.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

Simon turned to look at him and just grinned. Oh boy. If this was what being with Simon was like, there was no way they were going to be subtle.

Luckily, Mr. Wise walked in just then, holding the quizzes from the day before. “Most of you did not do well on this quiz. You are all very lucky this counts for less than one percent of your grade. You better study up if you want to pass the exam next week!”

He started passing the quizzes back out and Bram could hear people’s groans as they saw their grades. Bram just stared at his hands, twiddling a Reese’s around. He had felt pretty confident about the quiz, so he was pretty sure he did fine, but he didn’t want to brag about it. He only looked up when Simon turned around.

“Mr. Wise gave me your quiz on accident,” he said, sliding the paper onto his desk.

A perfect score. Bram blushed.

“Impressive,” Simon whispered. “You have to teach me your secrets. Also, your full name is Abraham?”

Bram didn’t know why he was always so nervous around Simon. Simon was so good at putting him at ease. “Yeah. What did you think my full name it was?”

Simon shrugged, “I thought it was just Bram. I assumed you were named after Bram Stoker or something.”

“Bram Stoker’s first name was also Abraham,” Bram responded, amused grin on his face.

Simon looked at him wide-eyed. “No freaking way. You’re joking.”

“I’m really not.”

* * *

At lunch, Simon offered Bram his fries.

* * *

On Thursday, there was a white envelope taped to his locker.

There was writing on the outside.

_Abraham,_

_I hope you still own a CD player._

_Love,_

_Simon_

Inside the envelope was a CD and a piece of paper with a list of song, carefully written out, followed by a URL and the words _In case you don’t own a CD player._

“Another present?” Garrett asked, seemingly popping up out of nowhere.

“You need to stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Appearing out of thin air.”

“I’ve been standing here for a full minute. Maybe you need to be a little less focused on Spier and a little more focused on your surroundings.”

“Garrett! We are in public, you need to be a little bit quieter about this.” But Bram was mostly just embarrassed. Garrett was actually doing a pretty good job of whispering.

“Bram, I’m pretty sure everyone knows at this point. You are not subtle.”

Bram sighed. “I was worried about that.”

Garrett’s demeanor changed to one of concern. “Hey, I was just kidding. I don’t think anyone actually knows. Well it’s possible the lunch group knows. But no one else.”

Bram looked at him and bit his lip. “I thought I could be ready for this. For people to know. But I’m not sure I am.”

“Hey. It’s okay. You get to take your time. That’s your right. Simon, of all people, will understand that.”

* * *

He listened to the CD on repeat all Thursday night.

* * *

Friday morning, there was nothing at his locker. And Bram felt a little bit of a loss. But then again, Simon had dress rehearsals all day today, so maybe he was busy. Or maybe he just forgot. Or maybe he was fed up with Bram’s lack of response.

* * *

When he checked again before lunch, there was another gift bag.

He pulled out a tiny Ferris Wheel, something that wouldn’t look out of place on a mantel or a desk.

_Blue,_

_There’s this guy that I love who once wrote that he felt like he was stuck on a Ferris wheel. On top of the world one minute, rock bottom the next. That’s how I’ve felt for the past few weeks. And I’ve been so lucky to have amazing, understanding friends and family. But I know things would be so much better with him by my side._

_I know I’ve messed up, but these past few days, it feels like maybe I didn’t mess up that much._

_And I want you to know I will wait for you forever, if that’s what you want._

_But in case you’re ready, there’s this carnival by the mall. For what it’s worth, I’ll be there on Sunday, after the musical, at 6._

_Love,_

_Simon_

This was a date. Simon was asking him on a date.

Bram felt his nerves start to overwhelm him. He really wasn’t sure he could do this.

* * *

Saturday, Bram woke up to the smell of eggs and French toast and the sound of chatter from the kitchen. His family was here.

He wasn’t really sure he wanted to deal with this. He loved his family, but all he could think about was Simon and the carnival and what he was going to do (or not do) tomorrow.

But then his 10-year-old cousin Sierra ran into his room and jumped up and down, screaming “Bram! Wake up! Wake up! We made breakfast for your birthday!” and Bram couldn’t help but smile. No, his family would be a good distraction.

He spent the day enjoying the company of his aunts and uncles, and family friends who had known him forever. Some had even driven up from Savannah.

He caught up with some old friends, talked to everyone about where he had applied to college, and got pulled into a discussion about Martin Luther King and Malcolm X and how nothing had changed in 50 years. This only happened MLK weekend, which was always around his birthday, so he was pretty used to this.

He tried not to think about Simon too much. He only thought about going to the musical once.

He only regretted not going a little bit.

* * *

Bram dragged Garret to the Sunday matinee. He had only so much willpower, after all.

“I’m only doing this because it’s your birthday, okay?”

“Right. You’re definitely not doing this because you’re a good friend.”

And after it was over, he told Garrett about the note on Friday.

“What are you doing still sitting here? You have to get to this carnival!”

“I’m scared.”

“Yeah, I know. But I also know that you want to go, I can see it in your face.”

And Garrett was right, he did want to go. Which is how, at 6:13 PM, Bram found himself standing in front of the entrance to the carnival, taking deep breaths.

Simon was at the Ferris Wheel. If only Bram could make his feet take him there.

“Hey Bram. Is there a reason why you’re just…standing here?” a voice asked. He turned to see Leah looking at him curiously, Abby and Nick standing next to her.

“Oh. Um. No.”

Abby raised her eyebrows, “He’s planning on standing by the Ferris Wheel for the whole night, you know? Waiting for you. So I guess you can take your time, but I wouldn’t.”

“He told you guys that? And, um, about me?”

She smiled gently. “He told us about the Ferris Wheel. The part about you was an educated guess, but you sort of just confirmed it.”

And Bram was surprised to feel relieved that they knew. It was that relief Bram that propelled him forward toward the Ferris Wheel.

He saw Simon leaning against the fence, looking at his phone, looking around, looking back down at his phone.

And then Simon caught sight of him and lit up and Bram’s heart was beating a hundred beats per minute.

“You came.”

“Yeah, well. I was ready.”

Simon held something out to him. Another present, this time something wrapped in giftwrap. “Happy Birthday.”

“Thanks.”

“Open it.”

Bram carefully tore the wrapping paper. “Young Avengers?”

“Do you like it? I know you like comics, I kind of took a chance.”

“I love it. Thank you, Simon.”

“You don’t already own it, do you?” Simon looked so worried, it was kind of adorable.

“I don’t.” Bram moved closer to Simon. “Really, I do love it. I’m excited to read it.”

“Ok. Good.”

Bram couldn’t stop staring at Simon. “You’re wearing eyeliner.”

Simon looked self conscious at that. “Oh. Yeah. I, um, do you not like it?”

“It suits you.”

Simon blushed. “Do you want to ride the Ferris Wheel?”

“Yeah.”

They walked up to the ticket collector and Simon handed him a few tickets and then they were sitting next to each other, inches apart.

“I want to hold your hand,” Simon whispered.

“So hold it.”

And Simon’s hand felt soft and warm in his own hand. Simon was grinning at him again. God, he was never going to get used to this.

The wheel climbed up slowly, stopping every time someone wanted to get on. The stars were twinkling in the sky above them, though they were hard to see with the carnival lights.

“Abraham,” Simon murmured.

Bram turned his head and he saw Simon’s eyes dart to his mouth and then they were kissing. Simon brought his hands to Bram’s face and Bram wrapped his arms around Simon’s waist and it was unreal. It was magic.

* * *

“So, how’s your birthday going so far?” Simon asked.

“Hmm. Not bad. I might even call it pretty good.”

“Only pretty good? Wow, clearly I have some things to work on.”

Bram grinned and wrapped his arm around Simon’s waist. “It’s been amazing.”

“Mmm,” Simon hummed. “We should probably talk. I, uh, assume you forgive me? About the Martin thing. I’m really sorry about all of it. I should have told you the second it happened, but I was just so scared of losing you.”

“None of that was your fault. I mean, yeah, I wish you’d told me, but I know why you didn’t, and honestly I can’t blame you.” Bram laid his head on Simon’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have deactivated my email account. I shouldn’t have abandoned you right after you got outed.”

“Oh, you don’t have to be sorry about that. You got outed too, in some ways. You did what you had to.”

“I still feel bad about it.”

“Don’t.” There was silence for a few moments. “So, um. What does this mean?”

“What does what mean?”

“I mean, what are we? Are you ready to be out to the whole school?”

“I’m all in.”

“All in? Like boyfriends?”

“If that’s what you want.”

“Yeah. That’s what I want.”

And Bram’s heart was full as they reached the bottom of the Ferris Wheel.

Simon grabbed his hand, “Come on, let’s go play some carnival games. I still owe you 13 presents, so I have a lot of prizes to win for you.”

“You’re going to lose a lot of money.”

Simon grinned, “It’s worth it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the last note was taken from the book and the movie and part of the last scene was taken from the book. Also, for what it's worth, you can find me on tumblr @themillergreens (although I mostly only use it to post my fics). I have a few other fics I'm working on/thinking about writing, but if you ever want to send me a prompt on here or on tumblr, you're more than welcome to.  
> Thanks for reading!


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